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Falling Petals

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June 2nd, 2012


So, it looks like I might be writing here again.  I am so glad this thing isn't erased!  I have to go to work on a Saturday so I will need to update this later and fill in the blanks of where I've been in a year.  See you then.

May 1st, 2011

Hello Again

I had forgotten out about this journal and thought I should post.

So much has happened...I got engaged to Cory in 2008 and got married that same year.  In 2009 we welcomed our son, Conal.  I couldn't be more happier with my family and buying a home of our own this past summer in this new state down south.  The only thing I am still trying to navigate is career.  I've been moving up the ladder in a counseling field, but am not valued as a counselor where I work .  Hopefully I can find a paying position that better utilizes my skill set.  My saving grace this year where I have felt valued, is helping othesr at a rape crisis center where I have been volunteering.

As new to the career field and as a new mother, it has been difficult to navigate the two.  I am the breadwinner in my family.  My husband is graciously staying home most days, working opposite days from me part time and going to grad school full time. Needless to say we don't get to spend nearly the amount of time we would like together, seldom having the same day off.   I hope to stay home with the next baby, but with the economic uncertainties, I don't know what we will do, or when we will be able to have another baby.

My position ends in August...I need to find work again, but am beyond stressed in my current position to make a successful attempt at looking for a new position.  I have to say I am ambivalent as well.  I love counseling others, however, I am missing my little boy and my husband more and more.  I feel such guilt working long hours...sometimes 12-14 hour days.  The other day my almost 22 month old son said to his babysitter, "I want mommy."  How that pained my heart to hear.

All I ever wanted was that fairytale marriage, work when my children were in school, and stay home when they weren't.  I did not anticipate the sacrifices that needed to be made.

I have to keep my faith in God and know that there is a plan in all this.  All of this can only make me and my relationships stronger.  I would do anything for my family.  I have to keep reminding myself it is just a job and at least I have a home to call my own, a strong marriage of 2 1/2 years, and over 6 years with my love, and a healthy baby boy who is almost 2.  If I have friends, family, health, and a roof over my head, all I need is another j-o-b to pay the bills and feel fulfilled.

The stressor is if I do not find work, my husband threatens to go into the military.  Although the military is very honorable, I have never wanted that life.  I did the minister's kid thing moving around and I don't want the same for my family, nor do I want my husband to be gone for long periods of time and have to worry about him.  Plus his grad work would be delayed by at least three years.  That is too much of a burden to bear.

Hopefully my next entry will have some answers of where my path leads.  Until then, I hope this latest post find you happy and in good health.

November 20th, 2007


My parents are up for a visit for a few days.  Besides the fact that it is a bit awkward sharing an 855 sq. ft. two-bedroom apartment, things are working out well.  They met the pastor at the church i attend who is going to do the premarital counseling...when we get there.  We also went out to dinner with a local older guy from church in his 70s, Doug.  He has really taken Cory and i under his wing, and he and Cory can talk history so that is great.

The job thing...well, i got a rejection letter from the school a day after my last entry.  I cried a lot because come on, it was part-time, i can't even get a two day a week job as a school counselor?  Something must be wrong.  And something was.  First, i decided to run my resume over to another elementary school needing Pre-K and fifth grade teachers.  Pre-K i'm confident i could do, my mom did it.  Fifth grade...well, it comes with a manual or something, lol.  Then, i get an e-mail this past Wednesday from Human Resources inviting me to meet with administrators of the county schools.  Okay...don't know what that was all about, but i decided to check it out, they did just get my Tb results, so i should be good for employment, right?  Wrong.  It was an initial interview...the same one basically that i had back in March.  Turns out, they lost my record i guess because they hadn't realized this was my third interview with them.  I stated who i interviewed with previously and turns out the second interview with the Director of Pupil Services for screening school counselors ended up retiring the same month i interviewed.  Just my luck.  But kind of good news, me not having a job at this point was not my fault.  So, i guess it looks like i'll have to re-do that second interview.  In the meantime i'm jumping hoops to get substitute teaching because i need the money, i'm bored, and i hear that i can get a real job quicker that way...and i don't want to go back to working crappy minimum wage jobs when i have a master's degree.  i guess that's a bit stuck up, but i hate the work and don't like the little paychecks...not that i've ever really gotten a good paycheck.  So anyways, after the HR person in charge of substitute teaching was able to be persuaded to accept the letters of recommendations i had instead of having my references fill out their forms so i can start substitute teaching orientation in two weeks for a two day session.  Suxy thing is that i have to also have my fingerprints redone by their people.  i'm glad to feel like i'm actually getting somewhere now.  i can't wait to get back to doing what i love, working with people and helping students grow to their potential.

whew, that was long.  I guess i should sleep now, we're having an early Turkey day (Pie day for me, hehe) tomorrow.  Hope all is well with all of you. 

November 2nd, 2007

Piece of Me

Okay, so I'm lazy.  I didn't get the job, and ironically I find myself writing here again worrying if I'll hear back from yet another job interview.  Go figure.  It's for the same district too.  It's been a week and this is another one for elementary.  I just got screened Tb so I'm all set to substitute teach or counsel.  I've enjoyed lazing around, but once Cory moved down here I've been the lil' housewife: cooking dinner, cleaning, laundry, etc.  That's been different and fun since he takes care of me as I do the home and our five pets, lol. There are Cory's two tortoises: Gwen and Anya and three turtles: Remmy, and the babies--Cuff and Link.  I'm still waiting to get a kitty and can't wait, but the deal I made with Cory is that I can get one when I get a job.  I see a win-win here.  I want a Sheltie too, but he wants to wait on getting dogs until we own a house.  I'll get the Sheltie then, but he also wants to get an Irish Wolfhound.  I dunno know how I'll deal being a shortie...the dog will be taller, weigh more, and probably eat more, lol.  Oh well.

So, yeah I'm listening to Britney's newest c.d. Blackout.  I have to say I like two-thirds of it, the rest is crap, haha.  Seriously, the album is pretty good, not her best effort like some reviews are saying, but it is different and has a very clubby feeling to it which I like.  Maybe this c.d. will actually motivate me to continue with a work-out.

Enough of that.  So, living with Cory is going well.  Apparently according to mutual friends he and I apparently fought a lot, like every week.  Perhaps what they considered fighting isn't really it, but Cory still thought we fought a lot.  I had no idea.  I guess that's bad, but we don't fight really anymore.  Must be that after three years we have learned to pick our battles and get over things quicker.  Now it's more of a look or making faces at each other and we're done with it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still the vocal girl you all know.  If I'm unhappy, you'll know it, but I'm not going to make it into a big thing.  It's like I'll say "that's not right, I don't like that you talked to me like that." Done.  That's all that needs to be said, you know?  Why keep it going when I've said my piece?  I think that's why we work too.  His last girlfriend didn't let him know when things bothered her.  He and I let each other know, and we nip it in the bud.  I also am quick to realize when I've been a bitch and I apologize for it.

I'm reminded now of something I wish I hadn't said...he has been gaining weight, a lot since I first met him six years ago, and I've been careful not to say anything really until it slipped off my tongue last night.  I couldn't take it back.  It was out there.  I said he was getting fat.  I mean he's not fat he just doesn't have the fit wrestler's body he used to have.  I think it's all the starch that we eat with potatoes, mac 'n' cheese, etc. as well as the alcohol.  I'm not perfect either, I could definitely tone up and lose maybe five to ten pounds.

Anyways, things are going well.  I just need that job and I would like to set a date for the wedding.  We've talked about marriage for so long that we refer to each other as "fiance" and when older people mistake him for being my husband, I don't correct them, because he will be someday.  Before I left to move down south we planned most of the wedding.  I found the reception hall in June.  In July I got my mantilla, we chose a three tied turtle cheesecake with flowers, chose the florist and floral arrangements, and also saw dad's church that we'll get married at.  I found my dress in July and it finally came in October 20th!  I can't wait until my dress fitting in December.  I want either a spring or fall wedding so, possibilities that I'm looking at right now (depending on when he proposes) are Memorial Day weekend in May or Columbus Day Weekend in October.

August 23rd, 2007

To Move Or Not To Move

Okay, so do I move now or do I move later?  Ugh.  Waiting for a hiring decision today is taking forever.  I've been up since 9 a.m. and the work day ends I believe at 5 p.m.  I'm a nervous wreck.  This is the 4th hiring decision I'll be going through.  Three no's, will this one be a yes?  I sure hope so.  I can't take this.  Please help me, God to be strong and get this job!  Amen.

July 24th, 2007

(no subject)

so pissed off.  i just wrote twice on LJ and it didn't save!!!!!!!  okay, i needed a place to vent my feelings because i had one crappy day.  speeding ticket, visiting grandpa in the hospital, and barely getting to talk to Cory since he is gaming tonight.  there was more about how i feel unwelcome around my family, but whatever, maybe i'll type about that later.  argh!  whatever happened to the autosave on LJ?  writing was supposed to help me feel better, but LJ not saving it does not help matters.

July 12th, 2007

Catching Up

Hey everyone. Sorry for not writing here in so long. I meant to, but it was hard to write because a whole lot of bad was happening.

First off, my last semester finishing my Master's degree was a horror. I was in danger of not passing my portfolio examination which meant I almost didn't get to graduate. I was all upset and depressed and all until I finally was told I passed a week before my graduation in May. I also had to drop a course because a professor wanted to fail me for missing two classes. Insanity. To top it off two weeks prior to graduation my Toyota Prius was t-boned by a brand new Ford Explorer with two nurses inside.

Both our cars were totalled and I had to go to the ER...there were concerns that my neck and back might be injured. I'm okay now. They said I'm lucky to be alive and lucky since I was t-boned at an angle and the side curtain air bags helped. The seat belt kept me safe too, save for some abrasions. My neck and back were fine except for muscle soreness which is about gone. Praise the Lord!

The other driver asked me if my baby was okay. HaHa!! :) Apparently she thought my backpack and laptop in the backseat was a baby. Well, if I had a baby it woulda been dead since they were speeding over 40 and my driver side totally caved in with the obliteration of the back door.

So, I have my Master's and a brand new Prius.

I've been hunting for a school counselor job (preferably elementary) since February and quickly learned that I wasn't going to get hired up North until I had three years experience.  I've narrowed my search to jobs down South. So far the interviews have been easy, but no real offers yet.  Please pray for me, it's getting a little discouraging and I hate it that I've temporarily had to move back home with mom and dad.  Boy, do I feel like a confined little teen again with no money, haha.  Luckily a prospective employer said to contact her after July 15 to see if they have any more openings.

Also, a blessing is that my boyfriend is moving down South too.  Between August and October he is moving for a good job which could lead to a management position.  Apparently it is easier to move up the ranks faster down South.  I'm happy to be moving to real beaches and a warmer climate, although I don't know how I'll adjust to being away from family.

Cory is a great guy and I've warned everyone that there will be a wedding soon.  Hopefully, next year or sooner. :)  He hasn't formally popped the question yet, but we're already looking into venues and cakes up North.  (Dad wants it at his church).  I already ordered my dress and I have a veil.  Can you tell I'm excited?! :)

My parents and I just moved again and it is going okay.  My stuff is all in the garage save for a bed and some essentials.  Dad is pastoring a new church and my is still commuting back to her old nursing job.  Mickey the cat is doing well.  He is out hunting all night every night at the nearby park and woods.

Oh yeah, and a preached on Father's Day, perhaps I'll post the sermon next time.

**Okay, go respond to my post!**

March 25th, 2007

(no subject)

kissing quiz

Answer this honestly. The answers include anyone, not related to you, that you have kissed.

on the cheek. yes
on the lips. yes
on their hands or fingers. yes
on their ear. yes
on their eye (lid). yes
someplace not listed. yes, the neck, :)
in my room. yes
in their room. yes
of the same sex. yes
of the opposite sex. yes
younger than me. yes
older than me. yes
with jet black hair. yes
with curly hair. not really
with blonde hair and blue eyes yes
with flaming red hair. red, but not flaming
with straight hair. yes
smaller/shorter than me. nooooo
bigger/taller than me. yes, always
with a lipring. yes, heehee
who was drunk. yes
who was high. hopefully not
who I had just met. nooooo
who was homosexual noooooo
who I didn't really want to kiss. noooo
on a holiday. yes
who was going out with someone else. nooooo
who was going out with someone close to me. noooo
who was my good friend's brother or sister. nooooo
who had been/is in jail. noooo
at the beach. yes
in a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water. yes
who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with. yes, but all we did was kiss
with a shaved head. nooooo
who was/is my good friend. noooo
who was/is in a band. nooooo
who has tattoos. yes
who is of a completely different race than me. yes
in the rain. yes
in another continent besides where I was born. noooo
with an accent. noooo
with an std. noooo
on a boat. noooo
in a car/taxi/bus. yes
on a plane. yes
at the circus/carnival. yes
with a missing body part. noooo
in the movies. yes
eskimo style. yes

(no subject)

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
You killed
With a
OnNovember 11, 2014

January 9th, 2007

Brave New World

Soon, very soon I'll venture out into the brave new world, but first i have to finish my master's, i get my degree May 19th!! I'm applying for my doctorate at Gannon University for Counseling Psychology so I can become a licensed psychologist for individual, group, family and marital instead of just a school counselor. i'm enjoying my internship with the elementary schools, but i'm starting to intern in the high school next semester as well. assistant coaching cheerleading has been a great experience and i want to keep up with that next year. cory and i are planning to move into a townhouse in buffalo in somewhere between may or august. i know some people aren't happy about that, but i haven't given up my morals i still believe in waiting until marriage for certain things, but i also have always believed that moving in is the next step before getting engaged or married--which are still things cory and i actively talk about. even though it's a long ways off we already have names picked out for kids and what pets we want to acquire. we both want to be financially set before we do the whole engaged/married thing. anyways, i'm really really happy. i'm broke, but happy. my luck should change soon i'm starting to apply for school counseling jobs for next fall, cross your fingers for me that it is in buffalo or at least closer to my sister. we've been apart basically since i left for college in 2001...i miss her tons and after almost six years with little time for each other, i'm hoping that can change. she is one of the most important people in my life.

i hope all of you are having a good start to the year 2007. i'm scared about not getting hired, but i need to be positive and be brave. i started the year out in a brave direction....i finally got my bellybutton pierced. it looks great. i was so nervous i just about passed out afterwards, but it was just from the adrenaline, it really didn't hurt as bad as i thought it would. so, i need to continue to be brave and follow my dreams. you all should do the same. life isn't weren't living if you don't live it to the fullest.

and with that i shall leave you for now...i have much procrastination to get rid of and work on my portfolio so i can graduate, job and doctoral applications to finish, and oh yeah, go out and enjoy the rest of my vacation.
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