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Falling Petals

Hello Again

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Hello Again

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I had forgotten out about this journal and thought I should post.

So much has happened...I got engaged to Cory in 2008 and got married that same year.  In 2009 we welcomed our son, Conal.  I couldn't be more happier with my family and buying a home of our own this past summer in this new state down south.  The only thing I am still trying to navigate is career.  I've been moving up the ladder in a counseling field, but am not valued as a counselor where I work .  Hopefully I can find a paying position that better utilizes my skill set.  My saving grace this year where I have felt valued, is helping othesr at a rape crisis center where I have been volunteering.

As new to the career field and as a new mother, it has been difficult to navigate the two.  I am the breadwinner in my family.  My husband is graciously staying home most days, working opposite days from me part time and going to grad school full time. Needless to say we don't get to spend nearly the amount of time we would like together, seldom having the same day off.   I hope to stay home with the next baby, but with the economic uncertainties, I don't know what we will do, or when we will be able to have another baby.

My position ends in August...I need to find work again, but am beyond stressed in my current position to make a successful attempt at looking for a new position.  I have to say I am ambivalent as well.  I love counseling others, however, I am missing my little boy and my husband more and more.  I feel such guilt working long hours...sometimes 12-14 hour days.  The other day my almost 22 month old son said to his babysitter, "I want mommy."  How that pained my heart to hear.

All I ever wanted was that fairytale marriage, work when my children were in school, and stay home when they weren't.  I did not anticipate the sacrifices that needed to be made.

I have to keep my faith in God and know that there is a plan in all this.  All of this can only make me and my relationships stronger.  I would do anything for my family.  I have to keep reminding myself it is just a job and at least I have a home to call my own, a strong marriage of 2 1/2 years, and over 6 years with my love, and a healthy baby boy who is almost 2.  If I have friends, family, health, and a roof over my head, all I need is another j-o-b to pay the bills and feel fulfilled.

The stressor is if I do not find work, my husband threatens to go into the military.  Although the military is very honorable, I have never wanted that life.  I did the minister's kid thing moving around and I don't want the same for my family, nor do I want my husband to be gone for long periods of time and have to worry about him.  Plus his grad work would be delayed by at least three years.  That is too much of a burden to bear.

Hopefully my next entry will have some answers of where my path leads.  Until then, I hope this latest post find you happy and in good health.
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