Falling Petals

hi, things are soooooo so crazy right now I have this many things to do:

1.) finish the semester craziness, next week is the last week!

2.) continue with my internship, ew, yeah they won't let me have any time off! no vacation for me.

3.) apply for school counseling positions for next fall.

4.) apply to doctoral programs.

5.) finish my portfolio so i can graduate

6.) look for a townhouse to live in next year with Cory!

7.) finish Christmas shopping.

don't you wish you were me? lol

I'm getting bitter that everyone is getting married. I want to be there too. There is something to be said where I'm at. I waited nine months for the person I loved to come back to me. And when he did, my whole world came together. I was so thankful just to be able to call him my boyfriend again. I didn't care about anything but being with him. Seven months later I take for granted all I do have and I focus too much on what I don't. He finally said I love you, after three years of knowing him we finally dated, I mean those were already dreams come true. I just want more more more. There is beauty in where I'm at.

Another start to another school year, we're both graduating this year! :)

He came home, back to me. Thirty hour drive and still had time to stop and bring me 3 pink roses, two light, one dark. We spent Tuesday night-Monday at 1pm together, besides the stint on Wednesday when I had to work 12-5. It was so comfortable, blissful.

Concerned that he didn't call me yet so I dial him after midnight passes. His battery is low, I knew about it before. He promises he'll call tomorrow. A word that held no value for me for eight years. After knowing him for five, I'm going to trust trusting in that word when spoken from his lips. I want to believe that promises can be kept. He confides that my faith in him means a lot, and to me too, I want to cry.

It's so hard to be away from him, he's not here and often times he feels like all I have.

P.S. my last entry was my 1,000th for this account! Wow...

Thank goodness there is only a month left before I see Cory again, and at the risk of sounding pathetic, I hope we never hafta be in different states ever again, different towns/counties is hard enough. It's been six days since I last heard from him, blah, the longest ever. I'm glad he's not in the service either, I'm barely able to stand this three-month wait due to his summer internship.

So nervous...i could possibly walk away with a real grown-up job tomorrow!!! it's scary, i hope it happens. also, i conquered my fear of the high toll bridges and the thru-way! yep, yep, big feat for me, next week i will have had my license for a year. it suxs being away from cory, it's been 2 months and will be another month until he comes home. subbing today was so much fun because i got to lay out on the beach! :)

Just when you least expect it, when you're down and almost out, making other plans to survive, that thing you want the most comes around and picks you right back up on your feet. Time and time again hope seems less and less foolish.

"Hope dies last."

Maybe it's bad to think this way, but I think that I known more about the world than a lot of people. I've experienced so much and seen so much, when most people decide to believe the bullshit that this world tells them, the truth lies beneath.

I'm spiraling with poetry since Cory and I are in love, but separated for the summer since he has an internship in New Mexico, and my grad studies are here in NY. My sister is getting married pretty soon...the end of the month. I'm very happy that she's found the one. :) I do have to say that our parents are going nuts with the wedding stuff. My mom is meticulously dividing our childhood toys and eager to help with the wedding favors. Dad is freaking out beyond belief in that his eldest is getting hitched, and he's doing the ceremony. I seriously think he'll cry. It's all good stress, and I am happy to have my apartment to vacate to because any independence she gets is stiffled on me. It was like that when she was going to turn eighteen, when she went to college, then got an apartment, and now getting married. I guess it's the strife of the younger child, to have the parents know they have to let go of one, so they hold tightly to the other. But I tell you, it is ANNOYING when I visit my parents and spend the night to hear, "Did you eat breakfast?"